Christmas rules

It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and I heard Christmas music playing in a Chinese fast food restaurant last week. I've heard people at the malls already talking about putting up their Christmas trees at home before Thanksgiving! As many of you know, I've long complained about the evolution of Christian practices amongst low Protestants (please note that "low" refers to the level of ritual and liturgy in their worship, and is not a negative term), who often misunderstand traditions and forget their history and evolution. So, in keeping with my professorial nature, I am pleased to offer this information about Christmas and the correct observance thereof:

CHRISTMAS HISTORY AND RULES

Christmas is a religious holy day. Specifically, it is a holy day of Christians dealing with their tradition of the human birth of the Christian god, which actually took place in September (some scholars argue for April), but that is a different story for another post.

Christians from the liturgical denominations (Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican/Episcopalian, Lutheran, and some Methodists) should celebrate Christmas by going to church on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, not at St. Mattress's or the Bedside Assembly.

Christians who are Jehovah's Witnesses do not observe Christmas at all.

Other Christian denominations (particularly those from Calvinist or Congregationalist traditions) should not have special Christmas services, since they descend from churches which decided in the 16th and 17th centuries that Christmas was a "popish" holiday. In many cases they enacted civil laws prohibiting the observance of Christmas; therefore, they should not pretend to be Catholic or Episcopalian and have faux-Midnight Mass services, especially at an earlier hour. They may have an indulgence for this year, since Christmas Day 2005 is on a Sunday, but they should remember that in 1659, they passed a law in Massachusetts fining people for celebrating on December 25.

Atheists, Jews, Muslims, Druids, Wiccans, Hindus, Buddhists, and so forth are not Christians; it is inappropriate and offensive to many Christians for adherents of these beliefs to conscript aspects of the Christian holy day because they are fun or a "nice idea." This includes Christmas trees, parties, and gift giving, even if shrouded in "holiday" euphemisms.

Hanukkah is not the "Jewish Christmas." It's a minor Jewish holiday that commemorates a lamp burning eight days longer than expected during a war.

Christmas is properly observed from December 24 through January 5. These are the "Twelve Days of Christmas" made popular in the carol.

The period of quiet introspection and preparation for Christmas is called Advent. Advent starts four Sundays before Christmas Day; this year, Advent begins on Sunday, November 27. Advent decorations include the use of evergreen branches, particularly for wreaths and garlands, and purple ribbons are used.

Traditionally, Christmas carols and Christmas decorations are not used during Advent. If one starts singing "Silent Night" before Thanksgiving, how will it be special on Christmas Eve? How will one not be sick of Christmas carols during the Twelve Days of Christmas when they are supposed to be sung?

Christmas decorations go up on Christmas Eve; they come down on Twelfth Night, which is January 6. Decorations and trees do not go up Thanksgiving weekend and come down Christmas night.

Realizing that the low Protestant denominations do not have liturgical seasons and often don't know any better, it is permissible for them to begin to do some low-key Christmas decorating prior to Christmas, but they should wait until December to start and under no circumstances may they do so prior to the First Sunday of Advent. Malls, department stores, and other retailers are not the example for Christians celebrating the birth of their Lord.

Christmas (the shortened form of Christ Mass) is often abbreviated "Xmas" because X is the first letter of Xristos, the Greek word for Christ, and has nothing to do with commercial merchants trying to save space in sale ads or a vast left wing conspiracy to "X" or cross Christ out of Christmas.

"Santa Claus" is an Anglicization of the Dutch name Sinterklaas (in early U.S. history, the Dutch were the people who colonized New York), also known as Saint Nicholas, a generous Turkish bishop in the 4th century who was tall, skinny, and dark-complected. Incidentally, bishops usually wear red and white vestments at Mass. His feast day is December 6; in much of Europe, that is the gift-giving day, and traditionally children were given raisins and adults potatoes, although candy for all is popular now.

January 6, or Twelfth Night, is the Feast of the Epiphany, which commemorates the visit of the three wise men to the Christ child. In many traditions, esepcially Orthodox, Epiphany is when gifts are given.

In most of the world, gifts are brought to children only by St. Nicholas on December 6 (in Greek tradition, he came on New Year's Day) or the Three Wise Men on January 6. In America, somehow St. Nicholas gets confused and comes on Christmas Eve; this is probably due to children's poem A Visit from St. Nicholas, now known as The Night Before Christmas, generally attributed to Clement Moore ca. 1823 (though many modern scholars believe it was written by Henry Livingston), which is technically inaccurate but seems to have become the American bible for "Santa Claus". Interestingly, Santa Claus probably originated with pagan Germanic traditions of the god Wodan who gave gifts during Yuletide, the Germanic observance of the winter solstice.

Most Christmas decoration traditions have pagan and druidic orgins dealing with the winter solstice and other winter holidays, particularly trees, holly, greenery, mistletoe, and Yule logs. The Catholic Church has had a long history of adapting indigenous customs and traditions and giving them their own special Catholic meaning and twist, though, so these things have centuries of "approved" Christian use.

Christmas trees began to be common in Germany in the 1700s and were not used in the United States at all outside of German immigrant communities until the late 1800s, after Queen Victoria's husband introduced his German tree tradition in England and it caught on there, then migrated here. In order to fulfill Christian symbolism about the promise of everlasting life during the dark days of winter, the tree should be a live evergreen. Since live trees dry out in a heated house, they were put up on Christmas Eve and taken down twelve days later. That used to be common in the U.S. in the early 20th century, and only since World War II and the invention of fake trees have people been pushing and extending the dates.

It is tacky to have more than one Christmas tree per house.

Personal Christmas cards, another Victorian tradition, should be sent only to family and close personal friends. Personal cards MUST be hand addressed and hand signed; mailing labels and computer-printed envelopes are tacky and indicate the sender doesn't care enough about his or her 1,000 closest and dearest friends to write them a personal holiday greeting. Christmas letters need to be shorter, less egotistical, and much more sparingly used.

Business "holiday" cards should be non-religious and sent by the business, not by the businessman's wife signing the card from "Biff, Muffy, little Susie and little Johnny." They, too, should be hand addressed and the postage should be a stamp rather than a meter.

Christians who want to include their Jewish, Muslim, Wiccan, etc., friends on their Christmas card list should not send a Christmas card (or a Hanukkah card!), but may use "New Years" cards in lieu of a Christmas card.

Christmas lights on houses serve the same purpose as candles or lights on a Christmas tree, which is to chase away evil spirits and demons and to represent the "light of Christ." House lights should be tasteful. If they illuminate the entire neighborhood or if one doubles ones electric bill during December, that is a good sign one's decorations are not tasteful.

Traditional holiday feast foods were made with rich, high fat ingredients because the harvest was recent, the winter famine was about to begin, and people needed a little extra weight on them to get them through the winter. There seem to be very few Americans these days who are in need of extra holiday fat to get them through the winter, so keep that in mind when cooking, planning menus, and eating!

That red-leafed Mexican plant which is popular in the U.S. during December is a poinsettia, which is not pronounced "POINT-set-uh," but "POIN-set-tee-ah" (the big difference is there is not supposed to be a T on the end of the first syllable).

Office Christmas parties are some of the most perilous times for subordinate employees, who are being watched by their superiors. Therefore, one must make an appearance at the office party, but it is IMPERATIVE that one not get drunk!

Christmas is supposed to be a time of rejoicing and celebration about a baby's birth in a religious story. It is not about conspicuous consumption, greed, or stress. Keep Christmas simple and both you and your family will be much happier!

Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom!
Joyeux Noël!
Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan!
Fröhliche Weinacht!
Hyvää Joulua!
Buon Natale!
Shub Naya Baras!
Feliz Navidad!
U-li-he-li-s'di Da-ni-s'da-yo-hi-hv-I!
Have a blessed Christmas (after a blessed Advent)!